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Everything you say is absolutely right — the death of those we love is so much worse than our own death, and yes all love is a form of suicide, you destroy yourself, you surrender yourself, you kill something in yourself, willingly, if you really love.
It's not so much my own death that is intolerable, it's the death of those around me. Because I love them. And part of me dies with them. Therefore all love, if you like, is a form of suicide.